Salvation Can Sometimes Be Difficult

I sit along the cold white Frostbite Island beach, warming my feet beside the small bonfire. My eyes capture little of the warmth in that fire and instead glow brightly with the shine of tears. I think of all the many changes that have happened in the past couple of weeks. I have seen a great guild (Freedom) dissolve, only to spawn a few other new guilds, one of which I have joined (The Horde), and have now left behind...

I poke the fire absently with a stick while I wait for an Aquatic Visage to respawn. The small pop and crackle of the flames is my only answer to the difficult thoughts racing through my mind, and of the events that have led to this moment.

The fall of Freedom began with an argument, which escalated into Belkar leaving the guild. Soon, the great guild which was my family was torn asunder and have spawned many new guilds, one of which I recently joined and departed: The Horde.

I had so much hope for The Horde, and was delighted to see my friends eventually fill the roster. Eventually even Vaeikdawr joined, and all seemed to be well. But whispers of arguments and enemy guilds disturbed me. A few of the same people whom I once roamed Mirth with was now supposed to be my enemy? I begged Belkar to change this policy, to change the guild's Message Of The Day, which was not positive and only served to fill me with dread. But he merely admonished me to ignore it. With continued difficulty, and a flicker of hope that things will get better, I tried.

Other events have only added to my unhappiness. Most recent was FEAR leaving The Horde. I had missed him and Boliele, and worried for both of them. Furthermore, speaking with a dear friend, I was filled with a deepening dread and a kind of despair. I thought about what was said; about the good and the bad, and I weighed my feelings. It was then I realized that I felt so unhappy, and I saw that my guild members were unhappy too. We lost that feeling of family, and that realization filled me with such profane loss, I felt weighed down by it. People say this is just a game, but unlike a mere game, real people with real feelings play it. They are not puppets, nor toys, and should be treated with dignity, kindness, and respect. My thoughts in turmoil, I tried speaking with Belkar. Unfortunately, he was away and left no message indicating such. I thought so many things, and soon all those thoughts came rushing to the surface like a surging geyser.

Impulsively, I blurted out my thoughts of possibly leaving The Horde. I did not intend nor prepare for the events that soon followed, for I only sought to let my fellow guild members know why I intended to leave. Next thing I knew, there was talk of a mass exodus out of the guild, and the forming of a new one. The idea snowballed into the formation of a new guild: Salvation.

And in a manner of minutes, I found myself in a difficult position. A vote was cast, and I soon found myself the elected guild leader of Salvation, but I have also lost one of my dearest friends in the process. I gazed upon my family of friends, both new and familiar, happy and carefree and together again... but the cost of happiness was high.

I lost my first MoM friend, my oldest friend on here. Despite what some may think, I did not leave The Horde because of a cloak, though it did fuel the flames for my anger at him. That incident, however, made me realize just how important I was (which was not very much) but I may have tolerated and forgotten if, if I didn't have a talk with a friend. The talk shall remain private, but the things that were discussed did disturb me. And it wasn't that I believed in rumor or gossip or hearsay, for what was pointed out to me, I have witnessed. No, I left because a guild should not choose your friends. I do not believe in discrimination, nor should members feel forced into doing anything.

I sigh and turn toward the sunset. I listen to the happy chatter in the guild, and a smile touches my lips. Through these storms, I wish I did have a big umbrella to shelter my new family under. I long to protect them, help them, give them hope, and find salvation... a haven. Where they are accepted, and can be themselves (minus weird pervs of course!).

My friends and guild mates tell me that if HE really was a friend, he will come around. But his anger was great, and I have hurt him so deeply, I fear that it shall never be resurrected or mended again.